what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
