i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
