So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
