I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
