Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
