I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
