all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
