my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
