At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
