I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
