I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
