My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
