even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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