what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
