She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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