She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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