He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
