mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We named our party play list daddy issues
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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