It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
