Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
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