the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just pee around me
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
