i jhust puked up my retainher.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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