I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
home. puking in laundry basket.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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