Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
