I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
