i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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