my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
