why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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