Got a toothbrush?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
