Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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