So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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