We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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