i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
