Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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