i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
