I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
