he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
