ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
