You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
