remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize