I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
