Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
