when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
