my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize