Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
did i just pee glitter
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
