Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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