I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
