Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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