hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize