That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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