Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
