I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
