do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
