there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
