She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
