So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
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