Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
