Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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