you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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