you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
