Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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