Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize