What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
