I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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