of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
