so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
this boner is exhausting
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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