im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
