bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
