Sry I called you an 8
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
