I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
