I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i dont even know how to be here
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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