best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
