There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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