my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
