we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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