I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Buhtt sex?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
