And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
