I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
